“Listening is not the same as hearing and in order to listen effectively you need to use more than just your ears. ¹”

While many agree that effective listening is an important skill, most people do not feel a strong need to become better listeners themselves.² In a study of over 8,000 people employed in businesses, hospitals, universities, the military and government agencies, when asked if they found themselves communicating as effectively or more effectively than their co-workers, nearly all responded postively.³ However, research has shown that the average person listens with only 25% efficiency.⁴

Experts in the field know these studies and have brought these topics to us in the form of “10 Fastest Tips that Allow you to be an Effective Listener” or the “10 Principles of Listening”. While titles like this make it seem that great listening skills are just a moment away, those of us who have actively tried to make Effective Listening and the CAPS™ Skills a core part of their business, know that great communication skills are a result of hard work and focus that often takes years to perfect.

You know the challenge of effectively listening to grow your business, but what can you do to hear with more than just your ears?

A good place to start is by evaluating all aspects of your listening habits by addressing the concepts of how people communicate. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian there are three basic elements of face-to-face communication.  Fifty-five percent of our communication is nonverbal such as body language, 38% is verbal through tone – including pace and volume and lastly, only 7% of our communication is done through our words. ⁵ (see Figure 1)

Figure 1. Mehrabian’s Breakdown of Face-to-Face Communication

Most people who choose a sales, advisory or leadership position as a career have learned to read body language correctly.  However, this doesn’t always mean we use this skill as well as we could.  One way to develop and sharpen this skill is to review and consciously think about how well you are listening with more than just your ears. 

What are some of the body language and paralinguistic cues you observe to that convey an attitude of Resistance such as Indifference, Doubt or an Objection?

Be aware of these types of body language:

• Facial Expressions: Frowning of the mouth or raising of the brow line, blank stares, squinting eyes or frustration.
• Posture: Look for changes in posture, leaning away, crossed arms or constant shifting in seat which could convey a level of discomfort or indifference. Slouching posture can signify “I’m not really interested in exchanging ideas” and stiff or rigid can say “I don’t feel fully comfortable in your presence.” ⁶  
• Eye contact can convey a level of dominance and confidence. Look to notice if a client is avoiding eye contact or constantly darting and shifting eyes off to blank space showing a lack of interest, untrustworthiness or insecurity. Angry and negative moods can cause a person’s pupils to contract.
• Hands in a clenched position very often signal negative or anxious attitudes, and if the person you are talking to is standing and has them clenched behind their back or holding their arm can be a signal of frustration.
• Legs offer additional cues. When a person is standing or sitting with legs crossed, this may indicate a defensiveness or lack of trust. When combined with arms that are crossed it indicates they may not be open to communicating on any level.

Key note: If you are dealing with a couple ensure that both partners are on the same page. Consistently checking in with both your ears and your eyes to the non-dominate partner during your conversation can ensure less doubt and objections when you ask them to take action.

Be aware of these verbal cues:

• Tone will tell you whether your client is hesitant, frustrated, confused, sad or lacks confidence in the plan you have presented. Listen for changes in pitch. A low pitch or monotone change can indicate Doubt or Indifference.
• Pace: Erratic pace or a change in amount of words spoken can represent unease. Other indicators such as constantly adding fillers and taking long pauses in between thoughts can suggest a client is becoming less engaged in conversation and signs of nervousness.
• Volume: You can notice volume if one is yelling at you, but it is not often a client will “raise their voice” to suggest anger or frustration. Listen for signs of agitation, a deeper or lower voice or shutting down all together can suggest anger. Listen for muffled voices which can indicate indifference.

What some of the body language and verbal cues you observe that convey an attitude of Acceptance?

Be aware of these types of body language:

• Facial Expressions: A simple smile can say a lot. Look for subtle and responsive facial expressions that show interest and engagement.
• Posture: A comfortable and appropriate distance is established. Notice for an alert or erect posture with the head slightly forward which can indicate interest and eagerness to engage in conversation as well as positive nodding of the head.
• Eye Contact: When the person is receptive to the topic under discussion their eyes will often dilate to 3 or 4 times their normal size. Very often they will also slightly raise their eyebrows. If they like you and are interested in what you have to say they will meet your gaze from 60 to 70 percent of the time.⁶
• Hands and Arms are relaxed with the palms facing up and the arms are often held at shoulder width or wider.
• Legs are not crossed and when standing both men and women will have their knees slightly apart and feet even with one another and pointed slightly outward. As Acceptance grows the person may point one foot directly at you.

Be aware of these verbal cues:

• Tone: Listen to the specific words your client emphasizes which can change the meaning of their sentence. They might be stressing a specific need or desire that they want to address in the financial plan you are creating for them.
• Volume & Pace should be used in a careful, controlled way and only loud enough to be heard by those that are trying to be reached. Pace will adapt to the message being presented.

Remember, very often the person with whom you are talking is Neutral about the topic under discussion.  For example, when you are exchanging demographic or non-personal financial data. 

The expedient thing to do when this type of information is being exchanged is to keep collecting the facts as quickly as possible.  The effective sales person, advisor or leader is sure to include questions that allow them to read the person’s attitude about the topic under discussion.  Using this approach improves your ability to better understand prospects, clients and co-workers,

Two keys to reading body language are 1) being able to understand a person’s attitude while listening to what they are saying in the context of your conversation and 2) Looking for clusters of non-verbal and vocal cues to avoid misreading and to verify your interpretation of the person’s non-verbal and vocal cues.

What can you do to become a better reader of body language and verbal cues?

1. Set aside 10 to 15 minutes each day to study the body language and verbal cues of others. You can do this in a variety of environments:
   1. Business meetings
   2. Sales calls (especially when you are conducting joint appointments)
   3. Social functions
   4. Restaurants or airports
   5. Try watching television with the sound off or in a foreign language

The CAPS™ Overview is a great tool for you to use as a reference when you are working to improve your ability to listen to more than just words.

Sources –

1. © SkillsYouNeed (2014) Web. Barriers to Effective Communication  2.  Spitzberg, B. H.  (1994).  The dark side of (in)competence.  In W.R. Cupach & B. H. Spitzberg (Eds.), The dark side of interpersonal communication.  Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. 
3.  Haney, W. V.  (1979).  Communication and interpersonal relations.  Homewood, IL: Irwin. 

4.  Husman, R. C., Lahiff, J. M., & Penrose, J. M.  (1988). Business communication: Strategies and skills.  Chicago: Dryden Press.

5. Mehrabian, A. (1971). Silent messages. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth. 

6 & 7.  Allen & Barbara Pease (2006) The Definite Book of Body Language. New York: Bantam Dell